Twuz a Tuezday afternoon. One of the girlz who wuz working at my hotel mentioned a lead she had on some LSD. Having been six or so yearz since my last trip, I figured what the hell, why not? Told her I'd be back 'round seven, and we'd go from there.

So happened, that on that very same day one of the other girlz wuz celebrating her birthday. (Quite possibly, this wuz going to be a really f**kt up party!) Seven o'clock rolled around and there wuzn't a sign of any acid, but all the tell tale signalz that it wuz gonna get crazy. A handfull of us were hangin' out poolside, and the drinks were going down real smooth. So smooth, even the boss had himself a few. A coupla hourz went by and some of us decided to go for a dip in the pool. The rest of us, we were still chillin' on the deck.

"Hey!" said someone, "Let's go in the hot tub!" The boss and I shrugged our shoulderz, unlocked the doorz, and went inside with the girlz for a tub. Hot water... babez... we were only missing copious amounts of liquor. The boss left and headed for the beer cooler. He came back with a few 24's and a wheelbarrow fulla coolerz, ciderz, and other tooti fruity sh*t. The party had officially begun.

Him, I, a couple of my guy friendz, and a gaggle of sexy women had packed the tub. Thingz were gettin' real cozy. The beerz were goin' down... the girlz were goin' down (on each other!), and it wuz really good to be alive at that moment. (Definitely a case of being in the right place at the right time) A couple of hourz went by, the boss packed up hiz thingz and took off. He winked at me, and I gave him the thumbz up to ensure that everything wuz gonna be okay.

Anywayz, it wuz a regular playboy bunny party (water toyz included), then theze young dudez showed up with one of the other girlz. Az the host, I said, "Who the f**k are theze guyz?" But she told me that they were okay. Turned out they were staying in the hotel, and "it wuz all good" according to her. What wuz me and my two buddiez out numbered by women 2 to 1, became an even numbered co-ed class. Something had to done, and soon! I put my mind to work to solve the problem, and my answer wuz to demand full nudity from all of the people present. Figuring that theze little sh*ts would run scared when I took out my groove thang, it came az a complete surprize to me that they took off their clothez az well!

Hmmmm??? What to do? "Hey naked kid that I don't know, pass me a beer."

If you think hangin' out naked with a handfull of guyz you don't know in a hot tub iz uncomfortable, imagine how the girlz felt. A few of the babez got out of the tub and left... but not to their roomz. They went back outside and into the pool. It wuz now 2 am, and their were three naked girlz in the hotel'z (very public) swimming pool. Az any good host would do, I oversaw and made certain that all wuz quiet, so I grabbed a floatation chair and hopped into the pool with 'em. At this point in my life, I came az close az I'd ever come to being a Greek God. There I wuz, buck naked floating in my throne, with two beautiful naked babez cruizin' me around the deep end. Life wuz f**king good.

Lemme explain the layout of the hotel; it haz three floorz of roomz over looking the pool, similar to a court yard. And I gotta say, whoever wuz staying in Room 307 that night, got the scenic tour of their livez when they peeked outside! Sure enough, someone did... and what happened? "WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU LOOKING AT!?" Shouts one girl. "MIND YOUR OWN F**KING BIZNESS!" at the top of another'z lungz! Lights were turning on... people were waking up... and believe me, I wuz caught with my pants down! I quickly paddled my way to shore, gathered the massez and split.

That night, I made the Banquet Room floor my home, and I wuz pleazantly surprized when the knock at my door wuzn't a pisst off front desk guy. Instead, it wuz one of the little prettiez, and she wuz locked out of her room. "No problem babe, you can stay with me on the floor." (what a guy!) In no secondz flat, we were both unconscious.

So that's what wuz going on in my world. In the real world, sh*t wuz about to hit my fan like it had never done before.

Morning came, and me and my fellow passed out co-hort were awoken by the General Manager of the hotel; Smilin' Ed Loobick. Only this time, he wuzn't smiling. In my blurred vision from where I wuz laying, he wuz upside down and freaken out! I think he wuz so agast by what wuz going on, it seemed az though he wuz laughing while loozing it on me.

Let me paint you a picture Smilin' Ed'z anger;
The owner of the hotel wuz in town from Winnipeg, becuz he (unknown to any of us) had put the hotel up for sale. Az it tuned out, that morning he wuz meeting with a couple potential buyerz to show them how great hiz hotel wuz. When they came to meet him, there wuz a lobby full of pissed off hotel guests demanding their money back becuz of an apparent orgy that'd taken place the night before in the pool! Three roomz in total were bitchin', and at a hundred bux a pop, thingz weren't lookin' to good for me now.

Our owner rallied up Smilin' Ed (who at that point hadn't a clue what had happened), to find out what the hell wuz goin' on. I'm sure Ed shat himself, when he found three empty 24's poolside... the kind of 24's you can't buy in a store. The kind that come from a bar'z beer cooler. Most certainly after that he probably realized, "I'm gonna kill him!"

It wuz common knowledge amongst most of the hotel staff, that on occasion I'd crash out on the Banquet Room floor. I'm guessing that's where Ed first thought he'd find me... and that's where he did. "WHAT THE HELL... I CAN'T BELIEVE IT... THIS IZ BULLSH*T! PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET FIRED! SEE ME IN MY OFFICE," wuz basically the gist of what he wuz yellin'. The girl I wuz hid under the blanket, and az I wuz tryin' to collect my thoughts, Ed left slamming the door. I thought out loud, "Shit, we're in trouble."

She took off to her room, and I snuck through some back doorz n' hallz and into the bar. DJ Darryl wuz on shift at the time, and he looked at me and said, "Everyone'z lookin' for ya man. Even Vancouver." I phoned Randy in Vancouver first, and he wuz on me like a dirty shirt, "Myer (the owner) wants namez, and he wants headz. What the f**k happened last night?!" The next call wuz to my boss, "Buddy... what the f**k did you do?!" Then my DJ boss walked through the doorz, "What have you done man!? The front desk sez you were gettin' blow jobz in the pool last night!"

Now I knew for a fact, that there wuzn't any blow jobz, and I wuz at a loss for how I could explain what had actually happened. I couldn't say, "Hey man, I wuz looking for some acid, but instead got everyone naked." That just wouldn't cut it, so I summed it up with the truth:"The babysitter got wasted last night. I'm sorry."

Everyone ended up covering everyone'z ass, and only one girl got fired. At the end of the week, the hotel wuz sold to the guyz who stumbled upon my mayhem, and we all miraculously kept our jobz... at least some of us did for a little while. It wuz a long week with alot of nail biting, but when we got the call saying that we were in the clear, pool priviledges were revoked, and we all went back to doing what we did best; making the new ownerz lotsa of money.


Copyright © 2003 Zappnin Black. All Rights Reserved.